i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
