i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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