Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
