You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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