i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
