Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
