im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
