dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I AM VODKA MAN
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
