I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
