oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
