Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
