The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
