It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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