This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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