Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I believe in your delicious
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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