The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
