That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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