Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
