I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She tied me up with her honor cords...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
