Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
