My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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