Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
