Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
