Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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