Im at strip club and am horny
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
