Apparently you make a good broom.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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