I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
