It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
