do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
