very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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