I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
