I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
