I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
