Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
