the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
