I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have already put on my inside pants.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
