YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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