real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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