toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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