I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
