did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
