so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
