my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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