Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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