you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
