Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
