I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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