My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
