Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
