My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
