Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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